Tuesday, August 22, 2023

FDA Wants to Ban Coffee

Fake Flash News Report!

The FDA has announced plans to ban coffee. Needless to say, this has sent shockwaves throughout the nation.

They claim coffee should be classified as a drug. Their reasoning?

"Take a look at this coffee mug. As you can plainly see, when Betty Boop first wakes up, she looks terrible. She is depressed and mopey and obviously is not in a good mood. She doesn't look anything like the Betty Boop we all know and love."

Hey, I'm just reporting the news. The FDA doesn't always make a lot of sense. He goes on.

"Now turn the mug and you see Betty Boop, the sex star. Look at the difference. It clearly says this is what she looks like after she's had her coffee. People, that is a dramatic difference, and it happens so fast, immediately after she finishes her coffee. This is picture proof that coffee needs to be classified as a drug."

This story just reached the public, but already there are investigations going on to find out exactly why they want to ban coffee. The Betty Boop mug theory doesn't hold water.

We'll bring you any updates when we know more. Obviously, this is one of the most devastating fake news stories we've ever covered.

In the meantime, grab your own Betty Boop mug and see firsthand what the controversy is about.

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